i put a black mark against you,
i struck you down, not worth my breath.
i put a black mark against you so i knew where not to go.
i put a black mark against you becasue you showed me your ignorance,
i put a black mark against you because i knew you could not carry me,
i put a black mark against you and turned my back on you.
i spat on you in disgust as i walked away from you
your worth, nothing now in my eyes.
i put a black mark on you to save me time in my search out of this hell
i put a black mark on you as i went deeper into the darkness.
furthering my search for the wisdom to carry me
the holders that will hold me,
house me and bathe me.
but not you, no not you
you, i put a black mark against and turned my back upon.
darker and deeper i trod, casting aside your worthless beings till i could hardly see.
and then, out of the darkness,
out of reach of my desperate grappling hands
you came back into my line of sight
and i was suddenly shook.
somehow i saw a glint of your worth,
and then, somehow i saw that the black marks were not any where but my heart.
i asked them why did you mark me?
and they said,
we did not mark you, we are just the spaces in you that have not been touched
we are the places where you long to be held
we are the places inside you that you long for to be understood
we are the places that you long to speak from
we are the places you have never been.
and then they said, speak us, speak us and do not be afraid.
you have nothing to fear from speaking this,
your spaces are others spaces, are all spaces, are one
bring your voice to them and be heard
bring your voice.
so i did.
and i told you i put a black mark on you but it was mine.
i put a black mark on you but now it is time for me to tell you how i actually felt about you
it is time i tell you that i thought nothing of you
that i was only after being carried by you.
and you showed me you were not able
and i turned my back on you.
so now there is something i see from you that i covered with my black heart
i see you are carrying something for me.
in your eyes i see it looks precious, maybe the way out,
my heart is beginning to open to this what seems minute possibility;
that there is a way out of this hell,
in the meantime, i wish for one thing and one thing only:
that you remember –
that black mark that i gave you, it’s mine.